PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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