dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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