Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
