Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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