No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
