the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
