you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
