Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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