it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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