Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
