is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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