You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
