I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
