I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
there is puke in my bra ... again
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