I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
