I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
