This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
