i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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