I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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