I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
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