all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
