we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
