Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We got so high we made milksteak
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
