Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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