Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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