my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
