Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
