the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
