Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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