God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
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