No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
