i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
