i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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