im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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