I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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