You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Farmville is her only friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
