He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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