I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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