Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
