i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I did not marry a roomba.
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