Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
