He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
