Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
