i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
