mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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