he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
