capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
