his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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