Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
