All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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