guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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